Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
-I saw my OBGYN, after taking 5 days of BCP to stop the hot flashes. Of course, she promptly made me quit the pills, so she could see what my FSH is. She wants me to wait until the hot flashes come back to have my blood drawn, so that she can see what kind of dose I need for HRT. It's been 3 weeks and still no hot flashes. Plus, she started me on Lexapro, and I think that has really made a difference in my mood.
-My husband and are officially on the waiting list at the RE's office to be given donor embryos. We've been on the list for about 2 weeks. They told me the waiting list is typically 2-3 months long. Now we are just trying to come up with a creative way to finance the procedure ($5,000) without taking out another loan. Any suggestions out there in blogland?
-I went to Boston last week for a work trip and it was BEAUTIFUL. Had a good time, but very glad to be home with DH and DS.
-I've lost 25 pounds in the 9 weeks since my surgery. That's a whole lot of wait for not much time. And I'm not really eating any differently. I was really starting to get worried about it. But I have to get my TSH levels drawn every six months because I have hypothyroidism and take Synthroid. Well, I had medical records at the hospital pull up my labs I had drawn yesterday and my TSH is only .029
It should be between .3-5.5. So apparently, I've got a little HYPERthyroid going on. So, we'll see what the good old doc wants to do when he calls me back later this week (he was out of the office today).
So, that's the quick synopsis for right now. Oh, and my best friend had her baby two weeks ago. He initially had some respiratory problems and spent a week at Children's Hospital but is doing great now. And my sister-in-law found out she's having a girl, the first girl in the family (lucky b*tch) :)
I'll try to keep this updated a little better from now on!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Today was the first day of 5th grade for my dear son TR. He was so tired and grumpy this morning. Here are the morning pictures:
Note the "Dear Heavens woman, must you take a picture of every damn thing I do!" look on the poor kids face.
But he must have had a good day at school (he's got his latest crush in all his classes) because here is the after school picture:
I can't believe he is in fifth grade this year. And he's ten! Time keeps flying no matter how much I try to slow it down.
We had training today at work and our Meditech specialist was here from Boston. She is all of 23 and just had a birthday last month. She is SO young! It got me thinking about how we started trying for number two when I was 23. And now here I am.
Well, tomorrow is another day, and it will be here soon!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Just wanted to share my misery with my internet friends :)
Saturday, August 18, 2007
On a happy note, our new next door neighbors Diana and Shane got married today in a beautiful wedding. Diana and I used to work together on L&D, so I'm really excited to have them as neighbors.
I found this website off a forum I visit. I think I might send my MIL the link. Anyone have any suggestions for how to talk to her?
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Do any of you out there work in healthcare?
Saturday, August 11, 2007
1. My son. This one is a no brainer. He's 10, he's healthy, he's happy. I really couldn't ask for more in life at all.
2. My husband. We've been together 11 of my 27 years. He'a good man, a good father, and he tries really hard.
3. My best friend Candice's pregnancy. She suffered through a horrible miscarriage last fall and is about to have her second child, a little boy!
4. A coworker named S who is about to adopt a baby boy that she found through taking care of his biological Aunt when she was in labor. Her adoption just fell into place and it gives me hope that there is a child out there or soon to come into the world that is meant for me and my husband.
5. Since my surgery, I have not had chronic pelvic pain. And, I'm not in the bathroom every 45 minutes because my ovary is sitting on my bladder.
6. I'm down fifteen pounds to 163 lbs. I haven't been that weight since before I started TTC (over four years ago).
Well, I was going to try to come up with 10, but I feel a little stalled after these six. But it is good to remind myself that there ARE things in my life to be grateful for.
Friday, August 10, 2007
I really have been praying about all of this and praying for patience. I hope I can get myself together soon.
Friday, August 3, 2007
In the words of Bob Dylan, you "haven't known peace and quiet
in so long [you] don't remember what it's like!" Sad but true. Boss
after boss has led you around, using you for their nefarious purposes, and dumping you
when the time was right. You've hurt and been hurt and now you're just sick and tired.
When will people leave you alone and let you do your own thing? But you
don't really even know what you want anymore.
Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid
Thursday, August 2, 2007
My husband and I have also been talking about adopting through fostering. We want a young child so it might take some time to get a child that we would be able to adopt, but I feel like we could provide a good stable home.
I still am feeling pretty tearful a lot of the time. A couple of nights ago I was watching tv and the Guardisil commercial got to me. Those young ladies on the cusp of womenhood, chanting about wanting to be "one less, one less". Before I knew it, I was bawling into my blanket.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
I just wish I could hurry up and recover. I'm ready to move on with my life. Just as soon as I figure out what it is I want. I want a baby so badly, but is it wrong to adopt when it feels like second place prize? And it's not like I have a ton of time. I know that I'm only 27 and dear husband is only 30, but it's not like we are getting in younger. And Tommy is 10!!!! At this rate, he might be in highschool by the time he gets a sibling.
Am I being selfish wanting another child? I have a good life, a good husband, a wonderful child, a job that pays me more than I am worth, a house that keeps me warm and safe. Is it too much to ask for another child? Is this punishment for mistakes I made in my early twenties? When I get upset, the phrase "it's not fair" spins through my head. But maybe it really is karma biting me in the ass.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
So I am healing pretty well physically. I haven't had to take anything for pain for three days now. And last night I was able to sleep on my side for the first time since then. I had a pretty large blood loss and I feel really tired each day. I'm down to about one nap a day.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Monday, June 25, 2007
I woke up around 3:00 am this morning in SEVERE pain. Bad enough I considered going to the ER. After four motrin, two tylenol, and three hours it was back down to a tolerable level. But it meant I only got about four hours of sleep last night. Then today was my SIL first prenatal appt. I had to leave work early to get Tommy and my nephew from the drs office so that BIL could be with her for the appt. Talk about my own personal hell. The whole waiting area was filled with pregnant bellies and newborns. This is why I had to stop working Labor and Delivery. I'm just too hateful to do it anymore. I hate the way infertility has turned me into a bitter, spiteful, jealous person that I don't even recognize any more. And then, because we are going to dinner at my mother in laws tonight, SIL gave me a copy of the u/s picture to show them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if hearing everyone ask her all weekend if she was feeling okay and if she was having much morning sickness wasn't bad enough. Everyone around me is pregnant. And most days I can deal with it. But today I am really having a hard time.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I ran into my hometown GYN doc today and tried to ask her opinion. She said she needs to know what my ovary and tubes looked like before she gave me any advice. So she wants me to call her this weekend and let her know.
The dogs are doing well. They are finally settling into being around each other and are actually quite playful together. I gave Parker an at home grooming over the weekend (including hair clipping). Boy do I need practice with that! But he looks even smaller without all that hair.
People send me a lot of funny emails, but this is the funniest link I have gotten in a long time. Check it out if you get some time http://youtube.com/watch?v=bKRZv6NGjdc
Monday, June 11, 2007
Saturday, June 9, 2007
I plan on spending my weekend as quietly and peacefully as possible, but we are going to go to the store this afternoon and get my husband a new grill for Father's Day. Our current one is going on 7 years old and is quite nasty. Does anyone have any tips on how to keep the new one sparkling clean?
I spoke with one of the OB-GYN docs yesterday at work (yes, I went back to work yesterday) and asked his advice. Of course, this is the one doctor out of 10 whose opinion I value least, but he cautioned me against having this other surgery. He said he knows of no technique out there that has worked to put the bowel back where it should be and keep it there. Apparently, it tends to migrate back out of place and stick to things it shouldn't. And every surgery will bring new adhesions to muck things up and cause more pain. Appealing words of wisdom huh? But, I try not to put too much thought into his words because.... A. It wasn't the answers and advice I was looking for and B. He's a shmuck. :)
I need to talk further with my doc, and I would love to talk with the oncologist as well. So, Monday I will make phone calls, but I think my repro guy might be on vacation next week. The nerve of the man to not be at my beck and call 24/7.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
I had my surgery on Tuesday. And it turned out to be nothing but an exploratory lap. I had adhesions pulling my bowel to my abdominal wall. Then, when he got down to the ovary, it was wrapped up in small bowel. So, they just closed me up and woke me up.
Here's a few pictures of vacation:
Friday, May 25, 2007
Speaking of my poor husband, I have had so much pelvic pain and bleeding this past six weeks that our bedroom time has been severely limited. He's been a little more grouchy, but all in all, I'm really proud of him! He's been taking this very well.
We leave for Orlando on Monday. I haven't been this excited about something in a long time. It's going to be a very exhausting week, but since my surgery is two days after we come home, I'm sure I will have plenty of time to rest after my surgery :)
My baby brother graduates high school on Sunday and I am so thankful. There were several times during the past couple of years that I really worried he wouldn't make it. He's so smart and such a hard worker, but he hangs out with the wrong kids and gets himself in bad situations. Now, I just have to worry about getting hime through college!
I'll post pictures when we get home.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Mr. R and I had a very awkward encounter with TR's soccer coach over the weekend. After practice, all the families went to a local pizza joint to hang out and get to know each other. The coach was talking about they are pregnant with their fifth and due this August. Around that time, TR came over to get more quarters for video games. Mr. R. made a joke that we could only afford one child. The soccer coach proceeded to tell us that the best thing for their first born daughter was their second born and how it really taught her to be less selfish. It made feel like he thought we weren't have more children by choice, so I found myself blurting out "Actually, I have health problems that have kept us from having anymore." Then, I felt like an idiot because there was all this silence at the table before someone awkwardly changed the subject. I never know how to deal with the question "Is TR your only child?". Infertility has definitely made me more aware of what I say to others.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
And now I have all these thoughts and questions. Like:
1. So what happens if I don't have the surgery. He told me that it will not go away on it's own. But, at my first u/s in was 12.5 cms at the end of my cycle. Now it is 8.5 at mid-cycle. Could I take birth control pills or lupron to keep in smaller? And wait awhile before surgery?
2. Could we try to do IVF before removing it? Would it have any chance of success?
3. If I have surgery, what happens afterwards? What keeps me from getting another cyst? Should I go on meds afterwards to try to keep the endo under control? If I have enough ovary left to get my period, thten could we try IVF right away?
It was a bad day emotionally. I wonder sometime if I need therapy. When I brought it up
to Mr. R today, he didn't disagree. We went to Walmart this evening, and not only did I stare at the babies and pregnant bellies with envy, but every women of childbearing age that I passed, I couldn't help but be pissed about their healthy uteruses and ovaries. I seriously need help!