Eh, it went not so well. He told me that for whatever reason, at age 27, I have "galloping" endometriosis. He did an u/s and said that the endometrioma is now "only" 8.8cms but that surgery is really my only option, that it will not go away on his own. He also said he has true concerns about that when he removes it and the walls of it, that there might not be much ovarian tissue left. I may not be able to get pregnant without IVF, or even at all. He said I had a chance of having so little ovary left that it would throw me into menopause. He hopes to do it laprascopically, but depending on what he finds, and how much adhesions I have, he may have to do an open incision. At the end, he hugged me, told me he was sorry, and that life had dealt me a lousy hand. Not the encouragement I wanted. I cried for the first 45 minutes we were in the car. Then, we stopped for gas, and I went into use the bathroom. Walking out, I got a cramp in my leg, and I FELL onto the parking lot and scraped both of my knees and palms! I'm feeling a lot calmer now, but it was not the news Mr. R and I were hoping for.
And now I have all these thoughts and questions. Like:
1. So what happens if I don't have the surgery. He told me that it will not go away on it's own. But, at my first u/s in was 12.5 cms at the end of my cycle. Now it is 8.5 at mid-cycle. Could I take birth control pills or lupron to keep in smaller? And wait awhile before surgery?
2. Could we try to do IVF before removing it? Would it have any chance of success?
3. If I have surgery, what happens afterwards? What keeps me from getting another cyst? Should I go on meds afterwards to try to keep the endo under control? If I have enough ovary left to get my period, thten could we try IVF right away?
It was a bad day emotionally. I wonder sometime if I need therapy. When I brought it up
to Mr. R today, he didn't disagree. We went to Walmart this evening, and not only did I stare at the babies and pregnant bellies with envy, but every women of childbearing age that I passed, I couldn't help but be pissed about their healthy uteruses and ovaries. I seriously need help!
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Donor embryos can work!!
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas
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