Monday, April 23, 2007

My Surgery is Scheduled

After 10 days of talks, missed phone calls and frustration at crappy office staff, my surgery is scheduled for June 5th, exactly 2 days after we get home from vacation. I'm feeling REALLY nervous about it. The past 4 or 5 day, I haven't had any pain and my pants fit fine again, so I ask myself why I am having the surgery. But, I guess at this point, it is the only option for moving forward.
Mr. R and I had a very awkward encounter with TR's soccer coach over the weekend. After practice, all the families went to a local pizza joint to hang out and get to know each other. The coach was talking about they are pregnant with their fifth and due this August. Around that time, TR came over to get more quarters for video games. Mr. R. made a joke that we could only afford one child. The soccer coach proceeded to tell us that the best thing for their first born daughter was their second born and how it really taught her to be less selfish. It made feel like he thought we weren't have more children by choice, so I found myself blurting out "Actually, I have health problems that have kept us from having anymore." Then, I felt like an idiot because there was all this silence at the table before someone awkwardly changed the subject. I never know how to deal with the question "Is TR your only child?". Infertility has definitely made me more aware of what I say to others.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

My repro doc appt

Eh, it went not so well. He told me that for whatever reason, at age 27, I have "galloping" endometriosis. He did an u/s and said that the endometrioma is now "only" 8.8cms but that surgery is really my only option, that it will not go away on his own. He also said he has true concerns about that when he removes it and the walls of it, that there might not be much ovarian tissue left. I may not be able to get pregnant without IVF, or even at all. He said I had a chance of having so little ovary left that it would throw me into menopause. He hopes to do it laprascopically, but depending on what he finds, and how much adhesions I have, he may have to do an open incision. At the end, he hugged me, told me he was sorry, and that life had dealt me a lousy hand. Not the encouragement I wanted. I cried for the first 45 minutes we were in the car. Then, we stopped for gas, and I went into use the bathroom. Walking out, I got a cramp in my leg, and I FELL onto the parking lot and scraped both of my knees and palms! I'm feeling a lot calmer now, but it was not the news Mr. R and I were hoping for.
And now I have all these thoughts and questions. Like:
1. So what happens if I don't have the surgery. He told me that it will not go away on it's own. But, at my first u/s in was 12.5 cms at the end of my cycle. Now it is 8.5 at mid-cycle. Could I take birth control pills or lupron to keep in smaller? And wait awhile before surgery?
2. Could we try to do IVF before removing it? Would it have any chance of success?
3. If I have surgery, what happens afterwards? What keeps me from getting another cyst? Should I go on meds afterwards to try to keep the endo under control? If I have enough ovary left to get my period, thten could we try IVF right away?
It was a bad day emotionally. I wonder sometime if I need therapy. When I brought it up
to Mr. R today, he didn't disagree. We went to Walmart this evening, and not only did I stare at the babies and pregnant bellies with envy, but every women of childbearing age that I passed, I couldn't help but be pissed about their healthy uteruses and ovaries. I seriously need help!