A new chapter in my life

Well, I had my surgery last week ( one week ago today actually). Dr. Hofmann said that things looked even worse than he thought they would, but that he and Dr. Barnes (the oncologist) had gotten things cleaned up pretty well. My ovary was stuck on one side to my small bowel and on the other side to my uterus. Between removing it from those things and removing the large endometrioma, I now am the proud owner of 10% of my ovary. Meaning, I will never produce eggs again. Meaning I will never have another biological child of my own. And probably will have menopause now.
So I am healing pretty well physically. I haven't had to take anything for pain for three days now. And last night I was able to sleep on my side for the first time since then. I had a pretty large blood loss and I feel really tired each day. I'm down to about one nap a day.

Preop appt.

It seems ridiculous, but I had my pre-op appt. yesterday. Preop, surgery, post-op. Pre-op, surgery, post-op. I'm caught up in a vicious cycle :) My laparotomy is on Tuesday. I'm getting pretty nervous, but I'm hanging in okay.

In crazy news, my best friend is 29 wks. pregnant. She has a three year old daughter. At her 20 wk u/s she found out she was having another girl. This week, she had an u/s to check her fluid level, and they found a PENIS!!! She's having a boy! We are all so excited for her, but she's got a lot of stuff, including a pink carseat, to take back!

We put Parker, our toy poodle, in our pop up pool over the weekend and he loved it! He just swam circle after circle.

The dog has really become my "baby".

A bad day

I had my post op appt. Friday and it went pretty well. My dr. is confident that I will have significant pain relief from having another surgery and that there is a less than 1% chance of any bowel damage. Of course, he is still very concerned that I will be in menopause afterwards due to how much ovary he will have to remove to get all of the cyst out. He also said that even if I have enough ovarian tissue to produce eggs left, IVF is my only realistic option to conceive.
I woke up around 3:00 am this morning in SEVERE pain. Bad enough I considered going to the ER. After four motrin, two tylenol, and three hours it was back down to a tolerable level. But it meant I only got about four hours of sleep last night. Then today was my SIL first prenatal appt. I had to leave work early to get Tommy and my nephew from the drs office so that BIL could be with her for the appt. Talk about my own personal hell. The whole waiting area was filled with pregnant bellies and newborns. This is why I had to stop working Labor and Delivery. I'm just too hateful to do it anymore. I hate the way infertility has turned me into a bitter, spiteful, jealous person that I don't even recognize any more. And then, because we are going to dinner at my mother in laws tonight, SIL gave me a copy of the u/s picture to show them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As if hearing everyone ask her all weekend if she was feeling okay and if she was having much morning sickness wasn't bad enough. Everyone around me is pregnant. And most days I can deal with it. But today I am really having a hard time.

Two weeks post-op

I am finally feeling 100% back to normal following this surgery, which is great because after my laparotomy it took me about 5 weeks to feel this normal. I've still been struggling with a lot of questions and emotions. I have my post-op appt on Friday and hopefully will be able to make a decision and feel more settled after that.
I ran into my hometown GYN doc today and tried to ask her opinion. She said she needs to know what my ovary and tubes looked like before she gave me any advice. So she wants me to call her this weekend and let her know.
The dogs are doing well. They are finally settling into being around each other and are actually quite playful together. I gave Parker an at home grooming over the weekend (including hair clipping). Boy do I need practice with that! But he looks even smaller without all that hair.
People send me a lot of funny emails, but this is the funniest link I have gotten in a long time. Check it out if you get some time http://youtube.com/watch?v=bKRZv6NGjdc

Rinse, lather, and repeat

Well, I chickened out of calling the doctor today. For one because I'm afraid of what he will say, but also because I HATE phone tag. I would have to call the office, and leave a message for the nurse. Then the nurse would call back and I would have to give her all the questions. She would take them to the doctor, get the answers and then call me back. And if I had any follow up questions, we'd have to repeat the process. So, here's to waiting until June 22nd for my follow-up appt.

I went to work today and actually made it through the whole eight hours, so I guess I am recovering from the surgery. Now, if I could only recover mentally!

WEll, I can't have a baby, but I can have dogs! So, what did we do this weekend? Bought a new puppy, as if Jack (our ornery Jack Russell isn't enough). Here's a picture:

That black ball of fur is a minature poodle named Parker, and is the latest addition to our family. Hey, in my defense, my son is 10 and if I didn't get my maternal instincts out somewhere besides him, I would smother him!!!

Day 4 Post-op

My incision is healing nicely although today it has started to have that awful itching/burning feeling as it heals. I also continue to be quite sore and I can't wear non elastic pants.

I plan on spending my weekend as quietly and peacefully as possible, but we are going to go to the store this afternoon and get my husband a new grill for Father's Day. Our current one is going on 7 years old and is quite nasty. Does anyone have any tips on how to keep the new one sparkling clean?

I spoke with one of the OB-GYN docs yesterday at work (yes, I went back to work yesterday) and asked his advice. Of course, this is the one doctor out of 10 whose opinion I value least, but he cautioned me against having this other surgery. He said he knows of no technique out there that has worked to put the bowel back where it should be and keep it there. Apparently, it tends to migrate back out of place and stick to things it shouldn't. And every surgery will bring new adhesions to muck things up and cause more pain. Appealing words of wisdom huh? But, I try not to put too much thought into his words because.... A. It wasn't the answers and advice I was looking for and B. He's a shmuck. :)
I need to talk further with my doc, and I would love to talk with the oncologist as well. So, Monday I will make phone calls, but I think my repro guy might be on vacation next week. The nerve of the man to not be at my beck and call 24/7.

Had a great vacation which I guess was the universe's way of easing me into what came next.
I had my surgery on Tuesday. And it turned out to be nothing but an exploratory lap. I had adhesions pulling my bowel to my abdominal wall. Then, when he got down to the ovary, it was wrapped up in small bowel. So, they just closed me up and woke me up.

They have rescheduled my surgery for July 17th so that an gyn oncologist can be there to disect the bowel from ovary so that my doctor can remove the cysts.

I'm petty sore still but I finally feel awake. Yesterday, as soon as I would sit down or lay on the couch, I would be asleep. I'm just taking motrin for the pain and it seems to be relieving enough of the pain.

Here's a picture of my insides, the doctor gave it to my husband so I didn't get an explanation of what it was but I think it's my ovary and small bowel.

Here's a few pictures of vacation: