CD12

I woke up this morning in my typical am haze, sat down to give myself my lupron, and freaked out when I saw I only gad 5 needles left. Then I realized, I only have 3 days of lupron left to give myself, because my u/s is THIS Thursday!!! Only 8 days left until transfer (providing everything goes as scheduled). From where I had to work so much last week, and so much of it nightshift (72 hours in 7 days), I had totally lost track of time. I can't believe it is right here around the corner. In some ways, I am so excited, but a very real portion of myself is dreading it. Dreading finding out the answer to whether this works or not. Dreading paying a loan payment 4 times a year for the next five years if it doesn't work. I'm just very scared.
Speaking of the 2ww, I'm wishing the best for my friend Miss. Stop over and wish her luck!
I'll let you know how Thursday goes!

Another Step

Today was the last day of my nuvaring. As long as AF visits in before then, I will start my Estrace on the 27th. It's so exciting and scary at the same time. I am getting better at giving myself the lupron shots each day. I only hesitate for 5-10 secs now. The first day or two, I would stare at the needle and my stomach for a good 60-90 seconds before getting the nerve up to actually do anything about it!
Tuesday we have our pyschological evaluation and to be honest, I am scared to death about it. Mostly because I have no idea what it will be like. It's so hard to put yourself out there to a perfect stranger. It's an odd place to be in, as we had our son so easily. I was 16 when we got pregnant, it was the first month we did the baby dance, it was so unexpected, so easy. 5 years ago when we started this journey for another child, I never expected for it to be so damn hard. Now, not only have we had countless tests, three surgeries, more physical and emotional pain than I could have ever imagined, we have to prove ourselves fit to parent another child.
I have so much hope and so much fear that this won't work. I tell myself that there is no reason I can't be in the 50% that are successful. After all, it seems meant to be. We are cycling in April (between our anniversary and DS birthday), we would be due Jan 6th, (one day after DH's 32nd birthday, his original cut off date for having more children) and our embryos were frozen 7/17/07, the date of my last surgery. I hope that it is all a good sign.
I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about our embryos genetic parents. And how incredible of them it was to make the decision to donate these tiny miracles in waiting. And how grateful I am to them for giving us the joy of hope, even if that ends up being all we get from this experience.

Pills and Needles

So, I got my box o'meds yesterday. I need to start my Lupron injections Saturday. I am so terrified of giving myself shots, even just the lupron subq's. But, whatever I have to do for a "shot" at a happy ending. Ha, ha, no pun intended. My meds only cost $107.50 out of pocket, insurance paid for a lot of it.
The nurse from RE's office called and left a message today. All of our blood work came back fine, so Yeah! Neither of us have the chlap or HIV.
Work has been very busy, but that's been good because it has kept me distracted from thinking about this cycle so much.

The ball is in motion

So, we had our appt today. We have settle on our set of embryos. They are 3 day 6 blasts. Mom was 32 (donor egg) and dad was 54. The couple did get pregnant, but then miscarried. Mom (DE) has brown hair and has hazel eyes, dad grey hair and blue eyes. If all goes well, and my uterus lines us nicely, we will have our transfer on April 15th. I start Lupron injections on March 15th. So, everything is on it's way.
The day of the transfer, they will thaw two. My doctor's office only transfers two. If one or both does not survive the thaw, then they would attempt to thaw the one remaining. The thaw rate is 70% with a pregnancy rate of 35-55% depending on the age of the eggs. We will be somewhere in the middle, because the eggs aren't real young, but aren't over 35.
It was a really neat appt, because we also got to meet with the embryologist who showed us pictures of embryos at different stages and what was "good" vs. not so good. All of our embies are at least grade 2.0 because they won't freeze embryos graded less than that. Grade 1 is the best, 4 is the worst.
Our next step is to wait to hear from the mail order pharmacy. Cindy, our nurse, will call our meds in tommorrow, then the pharmacy will check with our insurance to see which (if any) meds that they will pay for. Then, the pharmacy will contact us to collect payment and mail it out to us. Cindy gave my husband a crash course in intramuscular injections. I'll be able to give myself the lupron, but he's going to have to give me the progesterones in oil (in my hiney).
I will keep everyone updated!

We have received a list!

So, today we received the available embryos list. And it's interesting. Of course, not a single one has everything we would want, but there are a few that are pretty close. It's late, and I'm sleepy, so I will update more later this weekend with more details.
Baby dust to all!

I'm Back!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's been a long time since I posted. Not much has happened in the past six months. Working hard, getting used to the idea of just the one child. Then, on Thursday, we recieved a call from RE's office to let us know we are a the top of the list for donor embryos! So, any day now, we will get a catalog of available embies to choose from. And, then we will choose and get started on the cycle. It's so exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I am on Nuvaring now, and it is due to come out on March 4th. Once it comes out and I start my period, I will start BCP. We have an appt. March 6th at the clinic to sign our consents, meet with the RE to discuss the plan, and meet with the embryologist to find out what they do to thaw the embryos. Then, we also have to meet with a psychologist to determine that we are mentally sound enough. I have a meeting with my valic rep to find out what I have to do to borrow money from my 403b to finance this.
So, that's all the info I have for now. As this crazy journey continues to unfold, I plan to blog it all out for the world and for myself. If anyone has any advice on donor embryos, I would love to hear it!!

Lab Confirmation that my blog title is correct

Well, my obgyn drew my FSH levels last week, and my FSH is 69.7. Anything over 13 is indicative of being post-menopausal. So, no wonder I am having raging hot flashes a couple of times a day. I went to medical records and got my results myself. I still hadn't heard from the dr.'s offics today, so I called and left a messsage this afternoon. Of course, the nurse called me back after the dr. had already left for the day, so they wil have to give me a call back tomorrow. Hopefully soon I will have some estrogen back in my system and feel more like a normal person again!